August 1st, 2009

     Have you ever eaten something just because you had the opportunity to get it?  The other day a woman was taking a tray of cookies into the offices for a meeting and out of the blue, asked me if I wanted one.  Of course!  Was I thinking about cookies or on my way to buy some from the vending machines?  No.  And did you ever eat something just because you visited a place where certain foods are typically made or sold.  I can't go by Whole Foods without trying some different trail mix.  Or visit a certain gift shoppe that also sells obscure varieties of pop without trying a new rootbeer.  Whenever I need to pick up something from the scooter store, I have a hard time bypassing Merrit's bakery nearby even though I started the day without thinking about pastries or cakes!  Or have you ever suddenly wanted to eat something when you watched someone else eat it?  The other night my mother sat down and made an ice cream sundae in front of me and suddenly, I just really wanted one when I had not even thought about ice cream before hand, even when she mentioned it.  I remember when I first started dieting years ago, it was hard to just drive down the boulevards without seeing restaurants and bill boards and not think about pulling over for that food.  I am struggling to develope and continue the habit of conscious eating:  Staying aware of what and how-much and even why I am eating or wanting something, trying to avoid some trigger unrelated to being hungry or having a craving.  It's tough, some days worse than others.  Really makes you think about advertising.     

     158 pounds.  Nearly took off all the recent regain.  I ate better this week.  It was not too bad of a struggle to get back in control of eating.  Not like I expected.  I didn't really miss the pastries, ice cream and fast food that I had indulged during the two weeks previous.  Whew!  I feared I would be filled with longings and resentment.  Maybe I am getting used to this.  Yeah, well, you would think I would have no problems sticking with it, then, no?

     It seems, looking back, that I get a good start, all excited, staying strict on the plan.  Then comes a period of boredom, resentment, still staying with it but wistful and frustrated.  Then a leveling out.  It is just another day.  Then a period of creeping back into old habits of eating and quickly into full-blown, off-diet, overeating and unhealthy food.  Then half-hearted attempts to get back on the wagon for a couple of weeks, finally falling back into the new adopted patterns of healthier food preparation and eating.  I'm on the latter stage now.  Feeling ok about getting back on diet with a few minimal indulgences.  I'm trying to get back into the state of just postponing eating something that is off-plan.